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Questions No One Has The Balls to Ask
Ron Artest

Are you serious?
Yeah. I’m also trying to fight Ben Wallace on pay-per-view for $10 million for charity. All the proceeds of the fight would go to the [victims of Hurricane Katrina]. I think we could do a lot for the people over there.

Can we also get you in the ring with that moron from FEMA, Michael Brown?
Yo, I would smack dude in his face. Word up. It was definitely a tragedy what happened in [the Gulf Coast]. You can’t blame those people.

 

   
 
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Quickie
Miss Info
The Best Week Ever commentator upgrades KING’s bling knowledge

by Kawan Ari

No flagrant fouls here, I was just transitioning into this question: has a man ever left you speechless?
A long time ago, when I was just getting started as a writer, I was in a famous fancy recording studio with a famous fancy hip-hop mogul and his R&B group. Everything seemed very professional, but on my way to the ladies room, he ambushed me about how much I was turning him on. I was like, “With what? Is my notepad making you horny? Is it my neat penmanship?”

You’re a Golden Era type of girl. What MC would have you doing the wop if they asked you out: Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick or Snoop Dogg?
You’re asking me to choose between Madonna’s old jump-off, a man who recorded the classic “Lick the Balls” and a man who thinks fun is letting his homies have some. I think I’ll pass. But if you know
the guy who owns their publishing. . . .

   
 
 
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How to Mack
Mack Attack
Wanna sport an A-List chick but have the notoriety of a Steven Segal stunt double? Woman-ologist and author Tariq Nasheed has got your in.

by Matt Barone

target Foxy Brown
mack methodology “Just invite her over to your crib, get some Cold Duck, a couple of blunts and you’re in. With somebody hood, you don’t put too much effort in there. It’s like getting a Lexus: You go through credit checks, credentials and referrals to get you a top-notch ride. If you’re just going to get a little Cutlass Oldsmobile, don’t go through all of that hassle.”

target Angelina Jolie
mack methodology “Make sure she isn’t a vampire. If she isn’t, step to her as a humanitarian. Act like you’re one of them dudes who cares about ducks and endangered goats. Tell her that you just spent time feeding Filipino babies and washing oil off of seals.”

 



   


 





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