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    20 Comments     Thursday, January 29th, 2009

    Baby Mama Drama

    Introducing KING-Mag.com’s new relationship advice columnist, Janine A. Morris.

    KING-Mag.com’s new advice columnist, Janine A. Morris, lives in Queens, New York, authored three relationship novels, writes for 98.7 KISS FM and is the former Music Coordinator at WQHT, Hot 97, the #1 Hip-Hop station in New York. Morris graduated from Hofstra University with a degree in communications, and her passion for writing began when she started writing for the school newspaper in junior high school. She has written articles for magazines such as XXL, The Source, Don Diva, and more. Morris is currently attending law school, and is hard at work on her next novel. Have a relationship question? Hit up her email and she’ll be glad to help you out.

    Dear Janine,

    I have an 8-year-old-child and a newborn not even two months old by two mothers. I haven’t been romantic with the first mother for eight years and the second mother I’ve been off and on with for like three and a half years. My problem is I love the first mother and I’m in love with the second mother but my family is in love with the first and loves the second. They both want to be with me and I don’t know if I should follow my heart or the advice of my close family who I know is also looking out for my well-being? Mother one is church going and gets along with all my family members, mother two is more out going and gets along with some members of the family so far (hasn’t met them all yet).

    They both deserve to have the father of there child in there life as there man/husband, but only one can have that. How do I decide?

    Janine says: Before I even get into the dilemma I just want to say how crazy it is that you men get to just choose which women you want to ‘bless with your presence and commitment.’ It’s so crazy how in this day and age; you men are the prizes and not the women.

    Unfortunately, time and society have surely put the ball in you guy’s court it seems. (Ok, now that I got that out of the way).

    I must admit this seems like a real hard decision to make when you look at it from the perspective of your daughters, for they both are innocent bystanders in this dilemma. However, a decision has to be made sooner than later. The more you prolong this, the more damage is being done, both to your relationship with your daughters and with their mothers. In order to make this decision and end up with the best result possible, realizing that neither decision is going to make everyone involved happy is to weigh the pros and cons. You need to first weigh the pros and cons of each woman and what they bring to your life, what they bring to it now and what they can bring to it later. Consider which woman is a more suitable wife or life long partner, consider which one practices the parenting skills you most agree with, which one will make you happier. However, the decision can’t be a selfish one. You must also consider which one deserves to have the family environment more, which one stuck by you and never did you dirty. Most importantly you must decide what effect each decision would have on your daughters, respectively. If you ended up with your eight-year-old daughter’s mother it will allow you to make up for the last eight years and still have a chance to be a great father to your new daughter who can be welcomed in your older daughter and partner’s life. If you choose your newborn daughter’s mother you will have a fresh chance at building a family. You must choose which “happy ending” works best all around, not just for you.

    I wish you the best of luck with this and may the best woman win.

    Send questions and comments to: Jam@JanineAMorris.com


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    This entry was posted on Thursday, January 29th, 2009 at 6:41 pm and is filed under Columnists, Wonder Women. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

    20 Responses to “Baby Mama Drama”

    02.2.09 at 11:42 pm

    hunnib says:
    damn now that is sum drama lol

    02.4.09 at 10:23 pm

    day deezy says:
    No sir do not ;isten to none of that, that is coming from a woman that is already mad at us. check this out be with them both , just ask and you never know because no matter which one you choose one of your kids will be missing a father and its not about the women its about your blood line and the woman do not have but your kids do. Honestly the kids when they see you with mommy and loving them they will be happy. now being a part time father is not good at all, and you get part time love back, and lets be honest how many times you hear the guy or girl have a new boyfriend but still have sex with the baby mama/daddy and the guy/girl still stay with them so why not come together and set up the guide lines and be in your kids life, so choose both and not one or the other….and thats the truth.

    02.6.09 at 6:00 pm

    so(sic) says:
    I say choose neither. If you can’t say hands down which one is your dream girl, then it’s probably time to move on, playa. Besides, one of those kids will grow up to resent the other if you choose between their mothers.

    02.6.09 at 6:03 pm

    damned either way says:
    Dear Janine: My girlfriend has a three year-old that loves to crawl up in between her legs when we’re out at friends and she’s sitting on the couch or wherever. The child, a girl, also sits right in the middle of her lap when she lets her. No big deal, ’cause nothing’s there. The kid’s now trying to do that with me and that mess is mad uncomfortable. I’ve told her mother and, since she’s not dealing with it, now I push the child off of me and feel like I’m wrong when the girl starts crying. The child’s aware that something’s “different” down there and is purposely placing her hands, feet and whatever there. I don’t even want to watch the girl anymore. Any advice?

    02.6.09 at 7:30 pm

    ABronx fan says:
    My friend has a girlfriend that I don’t like…at all! Anytime we plan to go somewhere the girlfriend is always invited and I am really tired of seeing her around. How do I tell my friend how I feel about their girlfriend without hurting their feelings? What should I do?

    02.6.09 at 8:24 pm

    Dee Fresh says:
    da deezy and so sic, What are young dumb and full of c– Brothers, Its clear you both grew up with no father and its obivious you see no value of the black family. Today, the black family is diminising at a alarming rate. 10 years ago, I saw a cover magazine that headline “the extinction of the black man”. At first I laugh at the headline and said to myself yeah right.But now I can see clearly how
    that headline is coming to past. Consider the new black family is not the traditional family
    but as da deezy said play them both – which we can all agree is a broken family. The young brother who never grows up to be a man and takes responsibility continues to have more babies so now two kids turn into 8 kids. The young brother has dropped out of school especially since he doesn’t understand to power of commitment and dilegence and so he is on the street hustling drugs like so many of our young brothers in NY and across America.His destiny has already been chosen for him based on the unwise decision he made.Death—-His seed will unfortunately be a generational curse because of his decision, his loss Fathers decision and his unknown grandfathers decision of not being
    a man and committing to one wife and raising their children to be the best they can be in life. Brothers, this is 2009 and not 1865. We have opportunities that our great grandfathers could be proud of…If blacks were able to become millionaires in the 1930′s then young black men have no excuse about their future. Here is some advice from a grown STRONG BLACK MAN. Brother grow up first. Be a Man…Handle your business…Be a REAL FATHER TO BOTH YOUR CHILDREN. Pray to God as to your decision. I hear you use the term love so loosely. Love is not what you define it…Its not touchy feeley.
    Love IS WHAT GOD DEFINES AS AGAPE..which means unconditional LOVE.This means you will love her when its not easy to love her because its not about you…If I was your Father and I was giving you advice I would tell you that with out a foundation in the Lord your partnership will fail.I would ask you which one has an Love for God and for you.Then I would share with you to have a lengthy talk with these sisters about raising children, the handling of money credit, housings, marriage, parenting skills. Based on these conversations and prayer..Because, The end result is a long term commitment with one of these sisters who you will set a great example for in marriage. As a Father you will teach your daughters how to be a lady and not a H- OR A BIT– .Who knows maybe you can get custody of your newborn and raise both daughters together…Brothers please ELEVATE YOUR THINKING…YOU ARE OUR FUTURE AND THINKING LIKE THIS WILL PUT BLACK CLOSER TO EXTINCTION. Much blessing to you, your daughters and your wise decision. Remember to choose LIFE. Janine great response. Peace
    Dee Fresh

    02.7.09 at 12:28 pm

    Jay says:
    I have a comment in the form of a question…
    Do you Love either ONE of them enough to Let Them Go….?? Does woman one.. know about woman two..? there are a couple of holes in this scenario. I don’t think that either woman would be BLESSED with your presence unless you have a pure heart and pure motivation for being with either one of your baby mama’s.
    Your children are going to be blessed to have you has a father if you indeed are a GOOD father. you are not completely IN LOVE with, or completely LOVE either one, or else you would not want to do anything that would hurt either one. If you have not been romantic, but have you been physical with baby mama one?
    If you are IN LOVE with the woman you have been OFF and ON with for 3 years…. what kind of Love do you have..??? In LOVE..?? You leave a lot of questions to be answered. Someone mentioned just move on. And if you do.. then you will have a THIRD problem to deal with and possibly a THIRD child. You have not resolved the issue of Love with mama number one… I don’t know man, sounds like you need to Love yourself first and do the RIGHT THING by the people you say you care about and for, and by your children.insluding your family that have feelings for both women. If you are a good father, both children will grow up KNOWING and Caring for one another. Handle your business and DON’T BE A PLAYER….
    Players don’t have hearts.

    02.8.09 at 8:04 pm

    Karen Mills says:
    Wow. Janine!!! You are just blowing up!!! Congrats!!! Great advice. =)

    02.9.09 at 3:44 pm

    aaronnickey says:
    I am a single guy and I want to know who should get up First?Me after I Wore that ass out… or that chick to make me a sandwhich?

    02.10.09 at 8:45 pm

    Delmar says:
    It is sad that men are able to have there cake and eat it to…and then not realize the damage that he is causing for the mothers and the daughters…He should think of the example he is setting for his daughters. How would he like it if one of his daughters runs into a man that puts them in the same position that he has put there mother in.

    02.11.09 at 4:25 pm

    D'money says:
    Hmmm Question? If I have “sex on the beach” and no hun i aint talking about the drink. Does that make me an instant whore???

    02.12.09 at 11:06 am

    yeah right! says:
    This stupid fool should’ve thought about all this before he made a bunch of kids. Janine dont give this simp any advice. tell the jackass to figure it out. OWWWW! LOL

    02.23.09 at 5:31 pm

    Francesca Bryan says:
    Congrats Janine on the great advice!

    02.26.09 at 11:38 am

    Ron says:
    I think he should go with the woman you are in love with. I have two daughters with one woman (my ex) but I am no longer with her. I love her but I am not in love with her anymore so it will never work. I don’t agree with staying with one wife for eternity even if you are miserable. You can still be a good dad without marriageg and without actually being with that significant other. I also feel that men don’t have their cake and eat it to. Alot of black women put themselves in that situation by making themselves look bad by chasing after the guy with the rims and the lexus and the benz and the new clothes. It make them look shallow and trashy and then no one wants to marry them.

    02.14.11 at 1:37 am

    sarah says:
    This is why I would never marry or have a baby by a black man. Ya’ll are just trash.

    09.14.11 at 10:40 pm

    meema says:
    loving someone is very very different than being in love with someone. You can love the color red. doesnt mean you are getting that love back. which one is in love with you? IF you are in love….. YOU WOULD DIE FOR HER, DO ANYTHING TO PLEASE HER, SUFFER THE EMBARRASSMENT WHEN FRIENDS TEASE, PUT HER FIRST BEFORE ANYONE As husband and wife the Bible says you twain(two) become one flesh…….. My ex-fiance, after reconnecting on facebook,told me his brothers and friends teased him because he relocated to atlanta because I got a great career here, just to be with me. He told them ” Im not letting her go. Say what you want.” i call that eyes on the prize. i felt very much loved. Moving forward, if they dont know about each other, expect some serious drama. straight out the gate. But you as a man will not let them act a GD fool(as what almost happened with me a few weeks ago), because you love one, but are MOVED by the other… there is a difference, as I stated earlier. you can love a box of crayons, but will that same love liberate you, make you a better FATHER because you WILL be father to both no matter what. And like someone else said, and I had to stress this to my man, you are raising YOUNG LADIES. And you will teach them, they will learn by seeing you in a healthy relationship, how to choose the right man. Because they will want the type of man they see in there father.
    Only you know the answer to that.

    09.14.11 at 10:51 pm

    meema says:
    can you relate to one or the other? who can you work things out with? Which tends to be contrary or want her way all the time? Who agrees to disagree? HAVE YOU GONE THROUGH ALL(OR MOST) OF THE EMOTIONS WITH EITHER and can still deal? which can calm you down or talk sense into you? Do you know who handles crisis, money, can cook WILL cook..lol, who do you TRUST to handle her biz and yours if need be? AND who would stay in sickness and in health?

    10.5.11 at 1:00 am

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