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    22 Comments     Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

    Let’s Just Be Friends

    KING’s resident class clown blogger has a story to tell…and it’s oh so “friend”-ly.


    The male ego is something else. Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to tell you a story from my past. I don’t do this sort of thing very often anymore, because every time I do I get bombarded by questions from women, talking about, “Were you writing about me, you self-centered piece of sh*t?”

    To which I either respond, “No. You know what happens when you ASS-ume things, don’t you? Jackass.”

    Or I gently begin to sing, “You’re so vain…You probably think this column’s about you. Don’t you? Don’t you?”

    Despite the backlash that is sure to come, I am going to risk getting cursed out for the entertainment of you King Magazine readers. I deserve a Nobel Prize for this. Or a Pulitzer. I’ll even settle for a BET Award out this b*tch (Sidebar…Justin Beiber nominated for a BET Award? Really?). But onto the story:

    I remember back in the day, I was dating someone who initially showed lots of promise. We’d have fun together, but what really stood out to me was the fact that unlike with 90% of my romantic dealings, we took things slow physically. Or rather, she took things slow, and which seemed innocent and refreshing to me.

    Fast forward about a month later. I’d begun to realize that although she’s a sweet girl, we did not have very much in common. It became clear that my infatuation was largely based on the fact that we hadn’t done anything sexual yet, and I’d immediately lose interest once I solved this sexual Rubik’s Cube in front of me in the cute sundress. Deep down, I knew I should ease myself out of the situation…

    The same week that I came to this realization, I was talking to Miss Innocent on the phone when she said, “Leon, I think we should just be friends.”

    The common sense part of my brain realized that she just allowed me to escape without being the bad guy, so I accepted it gracefully. However, for the next couple of days my ego was thinking, “You motherf*cker! I was supposed to dump YOU first! I’m the writer, director and star of this movie! How dare you steal MY motherf*ckin’ moment?!?!” I’m just glad that I maintained my composure and kept it cool instead of actually saying what I was really thinking out loud.

    Yes, I got a big ego. Ha, ha-ha. Such a big ego…

    How many of you out there can relate to that? To have ego and pride converge and deliver a tag-team beating on reason and good sense is not a good thing. Learn from this story and realize that sometimes when you lose, you actually win!

    I should probably end this entry right there, but I want to take an informal poll. When you say “Let’s just be friends” to someone, what do you REALLY mean:

    1. I’m just too nice to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
    2. I don’t want to date you, yet I do not want it to be awkward when I see you in the street. We’re probably not really going to be “friends” per-se.
    3. You’re a psycho. Please don’t kill me.
    4. I don’t think we should seriously date, and we should remember that even if we do occasionally slip up and have sex.
    5. I actually do value your friendship even though things aren’t working romantically.

    Answer this poll HONESTLY, even if it means you have to make up a screen name to avoid telling on yourself to whomever you’ve recently let down easy. Thanks in advance for your participation.

    For more laughs, check out Leon’s blog, follow him on Twitter and add him on Facebook

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    This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 19th, 2010 at 1:53 pm and is filed under Columnists, Fine Sh*terature. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

    22 Responses to “Let’s Just Be Friends”

    05.19.10 at 2:43 pm

    Natalie says:
    D :)

    05.19.10 at 2:51 pm

    ChellBellz says:
    Go Leon!

    05.19.10 at 2:51 pm

    Desiree' says:
    B most of the time…. said E once and actually meant it.

    05.19.10 at 3:00 pm

    Ghaya says:

    05.19.10 at 3:01 pm

    Syn says:
    They’ve all applied at some point, but more often than not its B for me (minus the 2nd sentence,I just don’t want it to be weird, period). I’ve tried E, but that usually turns into a messy situation most of the time.

    05.19.10 at 3:09 pm

    Anne Hcu says:
    D…everyone’s a winner :)

    05.19.10 at 3:14 pm

    jade says:

    05.19.10 at 3:55 pm

    ListenToLeon says:
    I love that only women have responded so far LOL. Keep ‘em coming!

    05.19.10 at 4:12 pm

    Bella says:
    B! i hate the awkwardness…., D; if w r just having sex, you dont fall in the ‘friend’ category, you fall in the ‘booty-call’ category and those 2 NEVER mix :) #justsaying Yo Fav Canadian!

    05.19.10 at 4:40 pm

    Ranada says:
    8 out of 10, B.

    05.19.10 at 5:08 pm

    Made Up Name says:
    I would go with B

    05.19.10 at 6:29 pm

    Yeah…I said it » Blog Archive » I Write For KING Again says:
    [...] Just letting folks know that my KING Magazine Fine Sh*terature column is back. I have two new entries up over there so far, so check ‘em out and let me know what you think. Thanks for your support. Share this so someone else can laugh too! [...]

    06.4.10 at 3:31 pm

    jaclyn says:
    A (most of the time), C (twice lol), and only once…E.

    10.20.10 at 9:19 pm

    Aleona_Russian says:
    So King is bak, motherfuckers. I could not be happier. Loving this article. So back in the saddle—) for women. We got guy friends that are not fuckable thats why we jus friends, we got ”I so wanna fuck u” guy friends that we on the mission to fuck, we got ”we fucked and the relathionship didnt work out” typa friends. But the most opulent type is – we just friends coz damn it I want YOU to work harder for it! Yes come scoop me first, make a move, god damn it! My hand is killing me already, God DAMN IT. BAWHAHAHAHAAH.
    Im a D cup, so if you dont like what I have said fuck you lol Im still a winner. lol Love from Russia

    10.20.10 at 9:22 pm

    Aleona_Russian says:
    And this line is classic ” WOW YOU ARE SUCH A COOL PERSON , GENTLE AND ALL, I BET DA ONLY PLACE WHERE YOU GET ROUGH IS THE BEDROOM” HAHAHA That means in black n white. Come fuck me NOW. Thats for the ones slow in the head lol
    Love from Russia

    11.5.10 at 2:21 am

    anna says:
    WOWOWO!!! I strongly suggest you a great s ite
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    12.12.10 at 3:08 am

    Aretha Gaines says:
    I’m going with D, but I have the ego issue too…what the fk do you mean we should only be friends??? You missing out on some REALLY GOOD ish right here! AND I TOTALLY AGREE with Aleona_Russian. LMFAO

    12.28.10 at 5:15 pm

    Mr Jones says:
    All of the above..Different women require different “let’s just be friends” explanations..

    04.11.11 at 8:37 pm

    Z45 says:
    It usually means the woman has no sexual attraction for you. Its like its their way of saying, ‘I will never sleep with you.’

    08.2.11 at 11:09 am

    Mz.Coco Jackson says:
    mzcocojackson.moonfruit.com -Mz.Coco Jackson

    09.12.11 at 9:18 am

    Chris L says:
    Very true. Lets just be friends really means = I´m not attracted to you in any way.

    11.30.11 at 6:18 am

    3d webdesign says:
    3d webdesign… [...]» Let’s Just Be Friends – KING-mag.com[...]…




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