22 Comments Wednesday, May 19th, 2010
Let’s Just Be Friends
KING’s resident class clown blogger has a story to tell…and it’s oh so “friend”-ly.
The male ego is something else. Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to tell you a story from my past. I donâ€™t do this sort of thing very often anymore, because every time I do I get bombarded by questions from women, talking about, â€œWere you writing about me, you self-centered piece of sh*t?â€
To which I either respond, â€œNo. You know what happens when you ASS-ume things, donâ€™t you? Jackass.â€
Or I gently begin to sing, â€œYouâ€™re so vainâ€¦You probably think this columnâ€™s about you. Donâ€™t you? Donâ€™t you?â€
Despite the backlash that is sure to come, I am going to risk getting cursed out for the entertainment of you King Magazine readers. I deserve a Nobel Prize for this. Or a Pulitzer. Iâ€™ll even settle for a BET Award out this b*tch (Sidebar…Justin Beiber nominated for a BET Award? Really?). But onto the story:
I remember back in the day, I was dating someone who initially showed lots of promise. Weâ€™d have fun together, but what really stood out to me was the fact that unlike with 90% of my romantic dealings, we took things slow physically. Or rather, she took things slow, and which seemed innocent and refreshing to me.
Fast forward about a month later. Iâ€™d begun to realize that although sheâ€™s a sweet girl, we did not have very much in common. It became clear that my infatuation was largely based on the fact that we hadnâ€™t done anything sexual yet, and Iâ€™d immediately lose interest once I solved this sexual Rubikâ€™s Cube in front of me in the cute sundress. Deep down, I knew I should ease myself out of the situationâ€¦
The same week that I came to this realization, I was talking to Miss Innocent on the phone when she said, â€œLeon, I think we should just be friends.â€
The common sense part of my brain realized that she just allowed me to escape without being the bad guy, so I accepted it gracefully. However, for the next couple of days my ego was thinking, â€œYou motherf*cker! I was supposed to dump YOU first! Iâ€™m the writer, director and star of this movie! How dare you steal MY motherf*ckinâ€™ moment?!?!â€ Iâ€™m just glad that I maintained my composure and kept it cool instead of actually saying what I was really thinking out loud.
How many of you out there can relate to that? To have ego and pride converge and deliver a tag-team beating on reason and good sense is not a good thing. Learn from this story and realize that sometimes when you lose, you actually win!
I should probably end this entry right there, but I want to take an informal poll. When you say â€œLetâ€™s just be friendsâ€ to someone, what do you REALLY mean:
- Iâ€™m just too nice to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
- I donâ€™t want to date you, yet I do not want it to be awkward when I see you in the street. Weâ€™re probably not really going to be â€œfriendsâ€ per-se.
- Youâ€™re a psycho. Please donâ€™t kill me.
- I donâ€™t think we should seriously date, and we should remember that even if we do occasionally slip up and have sex.
- I actually do value your friendship even though things arenâ€™t working romantically.
Answer this poll HONESTLY, even if it means you have to make up a screen name to avoid telling on yourself to whomever youâ€™ve recently let down easy. Thanks in advance for your participation.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 19th, 2010 at 1:53 pm and is filed under Columnists, Fine Sh*terature. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.