First off, I would like to apologize to the fans of Fine Sh*terature for not posting much in the past month. October was pretty hectic for me, starting with an appearance on NPR, then a feature in The Washington Post and finally, a commercial with Biz Markie. As a result of being so busy, I kind of neglected all of the great King Magazine readers who stop by here from time to time. Hopefully, today’s entry will more than make up for things.

Since all this good fortune has fallen my way, it is now official: I am a half-assed celebrity. As a newly-minted half-assed celebrity, I want to allow you all to witness my first act of halfway-famousness. I am hereby issuing my first list of celebrities that I will most definitely approach and ask out, if given the opportunity. Without further adieu, these are the women on my radar:

Summer Walker

If I had to imagine a woman that is the epitomie the word “sexy,” Summer Walker is basically the one that comes to mind. She does it for me. Seriously, she does. She does it. For me. That’s right. Me.

The woman’s so damn fine, she’s got me talking jibberish right now. Let me get it out of my system in print form, because if I ever see her in public, I’m going to need to bring my A-Game to make that happen!

Lauren London

I alway knew that Lauren London is beautiful, but I never realized just how fine she is until the other day when I was flipping channels and saw her on Michael Baisden’s talk show. I immediately put down the remote and decided that Lauren London belongs on this list. I would two-step in the name of love over hot coals for that woman. I would learn to speak Arabic, travel to the Gaza Strip unarmed, then bring about peace to everyone in the Middle East, just to impress her. I’d even go so far as to…sit through that movie ATL, just to take a glance at her. I’m sorry Lauren, but once I heard the movie was about roller-skating, I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. Don’t hold that against me when I ask you for your phone number someday. Besides, I do plan on seeing This Christmas, so that should make things right.

Lizz Robbins

I had to give the local DC sex symbol a shout out on here. The photos from that calendar shoot which were in the latest issue of King are what took Lizz over the top and got her mentioned here. Plus, she actually admits to reading my writing from time to time(which always helps). So Lizz, if you’re reading this, you have always been sexy to me. Before I saw those photos, I would have just kept things to myself and waited for the right opening for me to spit some Rico Suave, Ricardo Romance, oh-so-poetic game. Now that I’ve seen them, I am pretty much compelled to let you know right here and now, that if you were to ever give me the word, it’s going down like Frazier, and I ain’t talkin’ Kelsey Grammar! So umm, until you decide that you’re ready to use me for my body, I’ll be good. When or if that day comes, I’m giving you THE BUSINESS, 52 different ways from Sunday. Thanks for understanding.

That’s three lovely ladies that I’ve set my sights on, so I’m going to quit while I’m behind.  In the meantime, I’ll be over here doing push-ups and sit-ups in preparation for marathon lovemaking sessions with some beautiful celebrity that is out of pretty much all of your respective leagues, but right up my alley since I’m a card-carrying half-assed celebrity now! If things work out, I’ll look in the mirror after doing the “Leon Just Knocked The Bottom Out That Thang” dance, and salute all of you readers for supporting me and lifting me to such heights where actual celebrities may choose Leon as their 2008, less-famous-than-them piece of man-candy!