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    38 Comments     Wednesday, April 9th, 2008

    Why I’m not Married? Yet….

    Not so fast down that aisle…

    I get this question so much that I want to walk around with a recorded response that plays on cue. It’s not that I’m against marriage; I was engaged once. But at this time in my life, it’s just not for me. Most of my friends and family recently decided to take that plunge and I truly wish them best. I’ve seen happy marriages and I’ve seen some marriages for convenience, and that bothers me. I also see people that are married but continue to live their lives as if they were single. My issue is if you want to live that way, stay single. Why make a commitment if you don’t hold up your end of the bargain? I mean “Til Death do us Part” is a pretty long time. I also believe marriage should be sacred—a friend of mine told me every time the subject arises, he explains that he holds the institution of marriage in such high esteem that he’s decided to never offend it with his participation (LOL). With all of the reality shows, too many to name, the subject of marriage is like a game. I was very close to appearing on one of those shows but, like the majority of the people on there it would have been for exposure, not because I was truly looking for love.

    To be honest, I enjoy being single. I enjoy my freedom and I enjoy other people’s children (I can always send them home, LOL). That doesn’t mean I’m lacking in anything, like some seem to believe. For my single people out there, isn’t it funny how your married friends and family always try to “set you up?” They feel like they’re doing you a favor. If it was up to my mom, I would have my own reality show—of course she wants me to get married, but more so she’s pushing for a grandchild—so don’t be surprised if you hear of a new show called “Who Wants to Marry My Daughter and Get her Pregnant , Immediately?” (should I trademark that? LOL). Love can be a beautiful thing, however, a lot of things have to be considered before you make a serious commitment (I touched on this in a previous blog) . I commend those people who know they aren’t ready. I commend those who know when they are. I asked my sorority sister Trina why she decided to get married (I asked a few people and some actually said because someone asked them, LOL), but her answer was beautiful: She decided to get married because she had finally met a man that loved her fearlessly. Before she met her husband, marriage was the furthest from her mind. The day she packed up her things to relocate to Atlanta with him, she found a list of qualities that she had written 4 years earlier, and one by one he matched everything on her list. Hearing her story definitely gave me some insight on how one can find true love. Even more impressive is that they also work together. In reality, marriage is like a job where both people play the role of supervisor and employee equally.

    It’s often said that when one looks, one never finds. It may sound cliché but I may have already met my husband to be and don’t even know it. Some people get married young, some people get married when they’re older and some not at all. Let that individual make the decision. Who knows, somewhere down the line you may see a blog from me about “Wedded Bliss,” but for now, I’ll stick with enjoying my life one day at a time.

    “Wait patiently for the right person to come your way; the wrong ones will always be available.”
    -Anonymous

    **On a side note, was that not one of the best NCAA Championship games ever?!! Too bad I picked Memphis to win it all in my bracket, but hey, it was still a great game!

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    This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 9th, 2008 at 5:53 pm and is filed under Columnists, Robbins Nest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

    38 Responses to “Why I’m not Married? Yet….”

    04.9.08 at 8:04 pm

    Phil says:
    It’s not just the so-called reality shows that have led to this – practically all of TV gives the wrong idea. That’s part of why we have a high divorce rate and folks who just don’t want to get married, period. To me, it’s simple: marry someone you can’t live without – not physically, of course. I’ve come to realize that a wife should be someone I love to come home to – someone I love to live life with, through good and bad, ups and downs. All these laundry lists of requirements that we’re taught to have can’t possibly capture this. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if she has a certain degree, makes a certain amount of money or what have you – what matters is that I come home to her and as such, she best be someone I love coming home to.

    04.9.08 at 8:17 pm

    dat dude wit dem thangs says:
    You could’nt have bumped into your husband, because we have’nt met yet. LOL! I love that you pointed out the fact that its okay to be single and how your married friends will always try to hook you up and send you on blind dates as if you’re so lonlely you need their help. When in actuality those same married couples are the ones wishing they were single again.lol! And yeah the NCAA game was ill even though I was pulling for Memphis(Revenge for the UNC game). But Candace Parker and the Lady Vols got it poppin’ and won another title.

    04.9.08 at 9:11 pm

    Shame on him says:
    I love being single. I’m 25 and I get hit on by a lot of married men and it scares me to get married. They are also so quick to have sex without a condom. My mom told me to be patient, I will know when I found the right one.

    04.9.08 at 9:57 pm

    LLJuna says:
    Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind before I met my “Soul Mate”. Two kids and 12 years later, “We’re still married and in Love”. It’s hard work but it’s worth it. And BTW we have never tried to “Hook up our single Friends:-)”.

    04.9.08 at 9:59 pm

    Mateo says:
    I feel you Robbin. I am like you since we are in the same business and my mom is pushing for me to have grandchildren without the marriage. If I was to tell her the backgrounds of some of the women I have been with she would definitely tell me not to have children with them. I have dated weed smokers, women dealing with depression, jealous bisexual women, crazy insecure women, etc. I am taking my time cause I wanna be with the right female when I am at red carpet events, film festivals, etc. On a different note: GO TENNESSEE and Memphis had their chance to win but Kansas’ defense and hunger to win killed Memphis. Later!!!

    04.9.08 at 10:33 pm

    Ditto says:
    I’m pretty much the last single female amongst my family and circle(s) of friends, and they try to hook me up all the time! I can’t necessarily say i’m happy being single, but i’d rather be single until the right person comes along. If he never comes… guess i’ll be a bachelorette for life! But its funny because the women in my family don’t seem to care whether or not I get married…. they’re just ready for me to have babies! NOT! I guess they’ve been there, done that, and know the grass is not always green on the other side (i.e. marriage). I’ll tell you this though, when I tell them about some of the guys I meet (not just the handful.. if that, of good ones), they are quick to say “Whew, i’m glad i’m not single. I couldn’t do it in this day and age.” Get the heck outta here! So I feel ya. Nice blog soror!

    04.9.08 at 11:01 pm

    Q says:
    I understand that marriage is what you make it,so on that note treat it like a NBA contract and your the agent.
    In other words make sure you are going to get everything you need to be happy and make sure you understand what is expected of you to make your loveone happy.

    04.10.08 at 12:10 am

    "JUST RANDY" says:
    Marrage a work in progress, something like being save(lol) “You must be willing to give” and forget.

    04.10.08 at 12:51 am

    eFromDC says:
    Aye Lizz…you need to read “Why Marriage is a Raw Deal for Men” on my messageboard http://www.BestTalkOnTheWeb.com — the link to the article is http://besttalkontheweb.com/vb/general-topics/8253-why-marriage-raw-deal-men.html (you dont have to sign up to read it…only to reply…) Hope all is well with you – E

    04.10.08 at 5:20 am

    keion Adams says:
    Liz this is some inovative stuff! your words are like music singing the truth about love, life, and relationships- making marriage understandible for all to relate keep it kool keion adams

    04.10.08 at 6:42 am

    thapossibilities says:
    i’ve been married for 8 years and i was a little apprehensive, but let me tell you. when you find that person you truly connect with, that person who helps you become a better human being and grow in ways you never imagined, you’ll look back and think why was i wasting time being single. i think the measure of our true personhood is our connection to our divine complement. men and women, in my view, are not whole, until they combine with that other half that makes them truly whole. …just my view, as someone who’s found my other half…and i’m finally whole! ;-)

    04.10.08 at 7:10 am

    coldcuts says:
    Lizz, you hit the “Nail on the Head” when it comes to Marriage (from the “Til Death do Us Part” being a long time with someone to “when one looks, one never finds”). I didn’t know this when I was in college but a lot of my female friends predicted that I would be the one who would not only get married first, but was the one who was definitely marriage material. Currently, I am the only one of my group of college friends who isn’t married. As a result, on occasion when I run across some of my college friends, they always are shock when I am still single. I wanted to get married when I was in my 20s but it seemed that I ran across a lot of women who didn’t want to marry me. Now that I am in my 30s and since I am comfortable in being single, I have noticed that more women want to get serious and eventually marry me. However, the one thing that strikes me is that they want to get married right away. When I tell them that it takes me at least a year in order to try getting to know them, they get upset and give up. To me, to get to the point that your sorority sister Trina reached before she got married, takes time, good communication, and patience. I had Memphis wining my pool too. However, I ended up winning my pool since the other participants didn’t have any teams getting to the latter rounds.

    04.10.08 at 7:38 am

    ivygirl1794 says:
    Wow…you summed it up alright! Sounds like much of my single life…everyone was always tryna hook me up. It was like a game to my family and friends too. Oh…and this crap line when I would run into old friends and family “you’re still single?? But your so pretty!” Uggh.. Ask Halle Berry, beauty does not a successfull marriage make. Faith, trust, forgiveness, fidelity and a hearty sense of humor does (among many others. I did it my way (and God’s way) so all is right in my world. Great Blog!! p.s. I can’t wait for your big day :-)

    04.10.08 at 8:42 am

    RJames says:
    To me marriage seems to be too disrespected and people worry too much about the wedding and less about the actual marriage. I have parents who have been married for 34years and there is good and bad that occured along the way. People are too quick to end the marriage yet were talking all this lovely dovey nonsense while they were engaged. Couples may be too in love with the idea of being in love and not really understanding what that may involved when being married. Way too much emphasis is placed on weddings which lead to early debts and stress which should not be the case. Also, being single, I am contempt with being single meaning that although I am alone does not mean that I am lonely. Women constantly get pressured into being married by their girlfriends or loved ones while men who don’t get married are not as pressured. I believe if women just worry about being happy with themselves and less on what society expects from them then marriage or not being married wouldn’t be a big deal.

    04.10.08 at 11:30 am

    Amy says:
    Tell King Sun I said Hello

    04.10.08 at 11:48 am

    carmen says:
    This blog was great! Sums up how i feel. Society is so obsessed with getting married at a certain age, and if your not married they look at you like your crazy!! I love this blog!! Well put!!

    04.10.08 at 12:49 pm

    Kennedi Stone says:
    People take marriage lightly these days. The sense of respect for GOD and your spouse jumps right out of the window. Too many people worry about the price of their wedding rings, dress and overall wedding. They tend to forget the price they will have to pay when the end up hurting the one they love because they made a decision hastily. Marriage is a job in itself. I dont believe it’s 50/50…it’s 100/100!! Each person has to give 100% as a partnership in order for the union to thrive. Most people do not realize the responsibility level marriage brings. I say if you aren’t ready don’t do it!! Thats why the divorce rate is through the roof!! Women are constantly pressured into marriage. Society expects us to be married with 2.5 kids and a dog by the age of 30..Just doesn’t work that way. The pressure from family, friends that are already married and society can force some into a position they are completely unprepared for. The comittment, finances, compromising, day to day stress, children, lack of children, inability to produce children, STEPCHILDREN and a host of other things that come with the price tag of the huge diamond ring are A-L-O-T to accept and if a person isn’t ready for the ride of their life…stay single just the way you are!!

    04.10.08 at 1:31 pm

    CitizenZ says:
    When you’re ready, you’re ready. Everybody has different criteria for what marriage is. That’s why some people’s marriage seems like convenience, because they don’t see it as all of that “soulmate” stuff. The most important thing is if you get married make sure it is to someone that has the same view of marriage as you do. Me, I want it! A home full of love, laughs and some children.

    04.11.08 at 2:40 am

    Rocke Scientist says:
    Liz, You look like my first wife. Never been married but I can see in the future. I remember the first time I saw your soul we caught eyes late night at the Dinner and then the next time at the “W” after valentine. You were on the couch with the big white glasses that were hiding your eyes and then when you took them off I saw your “soul.” On both occasions I did not know who you were until afterwards. If 70% of communication is non verbal we are old friends. Can’t wait to experience you soul again.

    04.11.08 at 12:20 pm

    Kicks and Chicks says:
    Liz, you’re not married b/c you’re pimping too hard Hahhaa…. nah, joking It’s because youre living the life man. Going to chase your dreams. Most people can’t see the vision and run with you. Either they want to share and take a piece of your dream OR the just want to bring the dream down into submission under theirs Go get it! Keep getting it! Ya boy Rod from back in the day! Yeah! Him. ;) You should knowwwwwwwwwwww

    04.12.08 at 5:58 pm

    Robert R. says:
    Lizz, you know the crazy thing about all this marriage talk; the friends that are married. Let me explain.. LOL!! I’m in the profession where it’s a very small community and everybody wants to judge people by the so call standards, what they have, and how they dress.. Any time you are in a relationship now for a few years, say 3-5 years, and you are not married, it’s always the girlfriends that’s married (mostly) who get’s into your love one ear and try to tell her, ya’ll should be married by now.. Dont get me wrong, there are a lot of guys that do the same thing, but, not as much as women. And it’s makes it so hard on the guy, cause he has to listen to all the crap that his women brings back home because of the pressure she’s getting from her girls. Why can’t it be that the brother is trying to get his mind right, and make sure that this is the right to do for the both of them.. I know it’s not all about him, but, I think that 85% of relationships will work when the guy got his mind right. So women don’t rush a guy into nothing, it only makes him move further away.. Just groom him into what your are looking for and I bet it will workout!!! Rob

    04.21.08 at 12:57 pm

    ListenToLeon says:
    “don’t be surprised if you hear of a new show called “Who Wants to Marry My Daughter and Get her Pregnant , Immediately?” – The answer to that question is “Leon” LOL. But seriously though, it’s hilarious when married people try to set their single friends up with folks and start asking questions like “So when are YOU gonna get married?” This happens because misery loves company! :)

    04.21.08 at 11:25 pm

    Levi says:
    Wow! Now that’s Amazing!! If a girl was ever to get somethin evermore, I really think God will give it to you and that man!! I think your Wild !!

    04.30.08 at 3:50 am

    Mike says:
    Marriage is beautifully human. That makes it perfectly imperfect. It is the only job where, as a man, you’ll ignite your God-given natural instincts and suppress them at the same time.

    06.9.08 at 12:07 pm

    how to save a marriage says:
    how to save a marriage wondered if I made a big mistake

    03.25.09 at 12:46 pm

    » How to Protect Yourself… - KING-mag.com says:
    [...] …from a broken heart I use to think when I was in my teens that Slick Rick summed up the definition of a relationship in his song “A Teenage Love” (I know I’m taking y’all way back lol). It’s very rare I talk about relationships over the past few days I’ve had conversations with people that has started me to think about certain situations, including my own. There really isn’t a guide to follow when it comes to being in a relationship. You can read every book about relationships, but it still won’t pertain to the one you’re in. I think the one thing we all can agree on is that we’ve been in good relationships and bad relationships. Most of us have been hurt, me personally, I’ve been devastated. That is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone, nor do I want to feel again. So, how do you protect yourself? You definitely don’t want to put a wall up, but you also don’t want to let your guard down. It’s very hard to let someone into your personal space once you’ve been hurt. You can’t let yourself walk around carrying this extra burden, it’s not fair to you or to the next person you decide to let in your life. If you enjoy being with someone, be with them and enjoy it, life is too short, not to. [...]

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